Grá Ná Dies
by EmmieElliott
Summary: An AU where situations change and life is a bit different for the people of Charming. Not too big of a plot change but it is more where Tara's journey diverts to. Jax/Tara
1. Chapter 1

**Hope you all enjoy this AU that I wrote. There will be more to come I hope you review and tell me what you think!**

Tara knew that her relationship with Jax was rocky. He didn't want to say it but Abel and Wendy were making his mind muddled. She understood why it was happening but suddenly she wasn't so secure about the direction they were going. In the end it was all going to change when Abel left tonight forever. The hospital was a place where she was in control. He was a guest in her world but Charming was his. It always would be and nothing would change.

Walking into the room, she could only sigh at the fact that Jax wanted time to think. After Wendy confrontation, Tara knew that there would be no easy solution to this problem. Wendy was the mother and that meant she deserved to be in that baby's life. Tar could never allow herself to come between a mother and son.

Waiting at the hospital, Tara made her way to Dr. Named's office. Knocking she was surprised to see a man in a full suit sitting across from her boss. " , this is Dr. Arnold. He is the head of the Robert Elliott fellowship program."

"Doctor." Tara greeted as she sat down and faced the doctor.

"It is nice times you Dr. Knowles. I wanted to say that when you put in your resume for our fellowship we were quite shocked that that you would be interested. With your experience you should be able to work at some of the best neonatal programs in be country. I knew I needed to meet you in person." Dr. Arnold was animated as he spoke about her accomplishments.

"Thank you doctor." Tara paused for a moment before asking, "what else do you want to know?"

"I am here to meet you and also I wanted to speak to a few of your superiors." Understanding what he was saying, Tara only nodded but didn't know where this conversation would go.

"Dr. Knowles we will be sad to see you go for the six months but in truth I am happy you will be getting more experience." stepped in and made Tara's heart soar with excitement.

"Are you saying..." Tara trailed off not wanting to hear any type of rejection. Her heart could not take any more false hope that her future would turn out semi successful.

"We are offering you a position in our fellowship." Dr. Arnold stated with a smile on his face. Through the year that showed on his face, his eyes were bright and smile genuine as Tara could only feel excitement and adrenaline pulse through her blood.

"Thank you so much!" A smile was stamped on her face as she shook his hand only feeling happiness. "I appreciate the opportunity. Do you know where my assignment will be?"

"No at the moment there are few places that want your expertise but the fellowship committee is still placing doctors." His explanation suppressed any other questions she had.

"Congratulations Tara you may go back to rounds. We will speak to administration about time you will be miss." Following orders Tara headed back out to the NICU where she'd order her mind not to wonder off into the future and all the adventures that she may get up to.

Suddenly reality hit her in the face. And that someone was Gemma Teller. She was standing over Abel's crib looking down at her grandson who would be released in a few moments when Dr. Named finished his meeting with Dr. Arnold. " will be here in a few minutes. He is just finishing up a meeting."

"What are you his secretary now?" Gemma was quick to shoot back at her. Knowing that this was only because of her hate for Tara, she ignored the comment and only looked down at the scribble on his chart assuming this would be the last time she ever would do this.

"Sorry to make you wait Mrs. Morrow. Where is Mr. Teller?" Dr. Named huffed out as he looked around the room.

"He is on his way he just had to pick up his wife." Tara knew that Gemma threw the words together in order to hit Her square in the face. This tact was nothing new to Gemma and she had mastered the technique but Tara had known her long enough that if you stood your ground and didn't falter then she had no power.

"Oh good then I suggest Dr. Knowles go over some things to ensure that you are prepared in case anything should arise." Both of them nodded as Tara grabbed the paper work that the nurses had printed out giving guidelines for the families to make the transition easy for all parties involved.

Walking out of the NICU for the last time, Tara and Gemma spoke and it left nothing but a bitter taste in her throat. Moving through the halls, they were met with the nurses station and also Jax with Wendy trailing behind him. "Hey Little Man are you ready to head out."

" cleared him to leave. He is all set." Tara answered as she signed the final over regarding Abel. "I just have a few papers for you to sign and then he is all yours."

"Where are they at?" Jax asked as he moved Abel so he sitting carefully against his shoulder.

"Right here. Just sign at the x and you will be good to go." Tara pointed at the last few pages and watched as he quickly signed the papers leave his scribbles on the harsh white paper.

" , it is good to see you again. I see you are taking everyone's favorite patient." Suddenly Dr. Named came out of nowhere surprising all huddled around the swaddled newborn. "I am happy I was able to catch you. I wanted to show Dr. Arnold how strong Abel is. He is a neonatal surgeon himself and worked with some of the best neonatal programs and is currently working in Philadelphia with the best Children's hospital in the U.S."

"It is quite the miracle. I have never seen a newborn survive such tremendous endeavors and have a successful recovery. was correct about doing the surgery concurrent to each other in order to reduce the stress." Dr. Arnold rambled on as Gemma continued to look as if she wanted to escape in order to attend the event that was being held at Jax's house.

"Did you come all this way to see Abel?" Wendy asked almost proud at the fact that her son was being thought of as special.

"I also came to see Dr. Knowles." Dr. Arnold stated and immediately Jax's looked at her own. She was able to see the question in his eyes as they spoke their own silent language that the years being connected gave her.

"Well we should probably head out since there are family waiting back at the house." Gemma quickly shoved her words into the silence before any other person could continue to spill information out.

"Of course have a good night." Tara felt herself relax.

"Thank you Doctor for everything you have done." Gemma spoke and this was a time that shocked Tara. She heard the voice of a grandmother thankful for the life of her first grandson instead of the ruthless queen who craved power over all of her subjects.

"Your welcome but there many others who helped out. Just make sure to keep him health." Tara turned to Dr. Arnold while Dr. Named spoke.

"Everything is a go. You will be given the six months off." Dr. Arnold stated as Tara only gave him a smile and shook his hands while thanking him. This was her time to do something with this degree.

After an hour worth of work she was finally released for the last time. In a day she would be on a plane somewhere far away from the happy little family. She would be free for once in her life and that was nice. Jax would always be her love of the ages but it was time for her to grow up. They would never make it. The Doctor and the Biker. The two together could never cohabitate. She would either assimilate into the biker world or he would lose all that he was. Reality was a bitch and slapped her in the face with this fellowship offer.

Walking over the threshold she was stopped immediately by Donna with a large hug. She was happy to have the other woman around as a comfort. Then those damn blue eyes came out of nowhere. "Come with me I want to talk."

Following his lead she walked down the short hall way into Abel's nursery. "Gemma did a great job."

"Yeah she did. When we you going to tell me?" Leaning against the crib railing she could see the white appear on his knuckles.

"I just found out." Tara admitted as she tried to remain neutral. Emotions would only make the situation worse.

"Where are you going?" Jax asked as he turned towards her.

"Boston first for training for a few days and then after that Belfast." Immediately Jax's face perked at the idea of one of their charters being close to Tara.

"Why did you apply to this?" His voice sounded defeated as her ears could barely pick up the frequency.

"It was before we were together and it was my back up in case Kohn found me. You know me Jax all I do is run from shit. And you stay and live with it." It was the truth and Tara would never regret speaking up for the first time in her life to him.

"We will be here waiting for you." Jax admitted as he gave her a sweet kiss before heading back into the lions den.

Following his lead, she moved through the crowd of people and towards Donna. "Hey you want to get a drink with me. I am heading out for awhile and want to get one last drink before I go back and pack."

"Sure I will tell Opie to take the kids home for me." Nodding both women grabbed their bags while Donna said her goodbyes for the night. She gave Jax one last nod before she made her way out of the bar.

A few drinks in Donna decided she wanted to head home and called Opie for a ride up. Tara followed her lead and headed off to her own house leaving Donna in the bathroom who demanded she lead home immediately and the statement that this was 'a SAMCRO bar'.

It was simple to pack up her belongings. Most were still packed. Then her cell rang. Picking up it Donna crying on the other line saying that Opie's car had been shot at and had been ran into a telephone pole. He was unconscious and Donna needed a ride to the hospital. Grabbing her keys she sped through the sleep town and took a wife to see her husband. Unfortunately for Donna it sounded bad and the medical bills alone would kill SAMCRO.

"Thank you so much but you need to go if you want to make you flight." Donna's voice awoke her as she looked up at a strong woman who was giving her a kind smile even though her husband was in a coma at the moment.

Jax had already been around and looked lost at the sight of his friend. It was a terrible sight but Tara didn't go to him. Donna needed her more.

"Okay but email me when he awakes. I want to know immediately." Tara demanded as she grabbed her things off the chair.

"Of course." Nodding she headed out of the hospital while saying goodbye to friends and colleagues offering well wishes for her future adventures.

With her bags in the back she drove one more time towards Jax's house. Knocking she heard a silent house awaken as the door opened to Wendy standing there in the shirt that Jax had been wearing the night before. "Can I help you Doc?"

"Yeah I was hoping to speak to Jax but I can see that he isn't here." Tara stated hoping to grab any information from the ex-junkie.

"He is here but he is asleep. It was a long night." Her innuendo was clear and didn't phase her one bit.

"Well then tell him I will see him in a few months." Nodding Wendy quickly shut the front door in her face. Leaving the letter that she had written with his name on it, she walked away with a weight off her chest. There were no more questions about their relationship.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is anther update. Hope you all like and sorry about any spelling errors I wrote this tonight. Enjoy and I love hearing from all of you guys so review and tell me how you feel. **

Living thousands of miles away was not enough for Tara to truly get away from it all. She knew there was a charter in town but would have thought that it would have similar pull in the town as similar to the one back home in Charming. Living abroad however was an experience that all should experience. Everything moment was adventure whether it was in the operating room or the actual real world.

But she could not escape the mayhem. On occasion she would be on break or asleep when a call would come through on her American phone. It was usually Gemma or Donna asking for advice. These calls kept her updated on the happenings of Charming. Donna made sure to call when Opie had awoken almost a month ago. Also had called to announce that both Bobby and he had been release of all charges against them.

She had pulled a few strings for Gemma to be treated under complete confidentiality and even offered to put her house for collateral when Jax was picked up along with other members on weapon charges. All in all she heard the chaos that was the small town and started to think about maybe not returning to the sleepy town. When she left she had already packed her bags and left all other baggage back in that place. Leaving meant she gave up that life with that person but she couldn't break away from the lifestyle. Living away meant she realized how addictive it was.

One downside to living in Belfast however was the bodyguard that Jax assigned to her. She knew he was trying to protect her but in truth it lead her to something she was surprised occurred. Kyle was a kind and gentle man. He would wait for her outside the hospital with a cup of coffee waiting after a long thirty six hour shift. It happened quick and fast but she fell into bed with the man. And it was not once or twice. He had warmed her bed on occasions when she felt alone and cold.

This night was the same circumstance. She woke to the phone ringing. Maureen Ashby, the sweeter and more motherly version of Gemma was on the other side of the line. Some of the men had gotten in a shootout and one had gotten knocked and needed her stitching.

"You have the worse hours. How do you function with this little of sleep." His words were muddled with sleep and accent but Tara only smiled as she pulled her bra on.

"Years of schooling teaches you how to survive with little sleep." Tara replied as she started to pull on her shirt but was stopped when he lightly traced her crow tattoo.

"Your six months are almost up. What are you going to do?" Kyle asked and she had to pause before looking back at him with a slight smirk.

"I go back to Charming and then see where life takes me." Tara replied with a simple answer.

"What about staying here. I am sure the hospital would love to keep you around. You could really get some shit going for neonatal here." Kyle explained as Tara just ignored his suggestion.

"This was only to make my resume more impressive and boost my career. Belfast is not where I am going to end up." Her admittance was harsh and blunt but she was tired of hiding her feelings from all who were near.

"So where will Tara Knowles fall?" Listening to his question Tara did the classic wiggle and jump to pull her jeans over her hips.

"Wherever the winds take me." It was cheesy but the truth for her. Jax had given Wendy another chance to be apart of Abel's life and she would not let herself wallow. He deserved to have both parents in his life and any relationship that may form between her and Abel would be one of complete understanding that she was only the person who helped save his life.

"How has that been working for you?" The inquiry almost irked her in a way she couldn't explain. She knew she was a runner but it was never something someone spoke about except for Jax.

"Pretty well actually."Her response was quick as she made herself move towards the door while holding it open for Kyle to leave first.

"Now I just feel cheap." Kyle replied as he pulled his pants on while grabbing his kutte from the floor. "I didn't realize I was the girl in this relationship."

"Oh sweetie this isn't a relationship." It was harsh but Tara was starting to pull away. Talking was not what she wanted to do with him and now he seemed to want to learn more about her.

"Damn you are one harsh lass." She said nothing as she locked her apartment door and headed towards to her car.

"I'll see you later." Sitting in her car, she headed over towards the clubhouse where her patient was lying in the middle of Maureen's living room.

Chaos surrounded them as his brothers tries to sedate him. Once she walked in, they immediately stepped away so that she could look at the injury. As she studied the eye, she realized this was nothing too dangerous. A few stitches and he should be good as new.

"Thanks so much, I am happy you were still awake." Maureen quickly grabbed her in a large hug.

"It was no problem. I know the boys have a run tonight so I figured I would be getting a call." Tara said as she looked around noticing the lack of testosterone in the room as all of the boys filed out of the upstairs apartment.

"They are heading out for another one tonight so you won't be seeing Kyle for a few days." Maureen had been one of the first to figure out the relationship between the two.

"Good that means I won't be having a babysitter for a few days." Tara deflected the idea before she headed towards the sink cleaning her hands with warm water and soap.

"You head back home in a few weeks. What are your plans after?" Her thick accent was almost calming as she took a breath while looking out of the window.

"I don't know, a few people are asking for my information but Charming is home and I don't know if I can leave again." She let out her breath realizing how much of her feelings she was showing.

"Is it Charming or Jax?" That was the question she was dreading answering.

"I don't know because they are one in the same. I learned a long time ago that Charming is the same without Jax and Jax isn't Jax without that town." Rambling was something Tara didn't do often so Maureen just stood there listening to the words fall out of her mouth. "I also know what I want to do in surgery. My hands are always steady and sure but my mind is never silent. I can't stop these questions from rushing through my head. I don't sleep anymore without dreams of the different futures I can have."

"Which ones do you wake up feeling good about it?" Maureen through in for Tara to consider.

"All of them end with Jax. I really do regret being with Kyle but he is apart of Belfast. He was the first normal relationship I have had in years but…" She paused trying to find her words.

"Is it really the person you are suppose to be with?" Maureen finished the question for her and she felt her legs weaken. "How about I make you some tea and we can talk."

Nodding Tara sat down at the table while she put the kettle on the stove top. Putting her medical supplies away she felt happy that her hands were keeping her mind busy. Just then there was a knock on the door that took both women's attention. "I'll get it."

Hearing Maureen tell someone to come in, Tara stood knowing that there was something off. "Get that child out of the damp."

"Maureen is everything alright?" Tara asked coming out into the hallway. She stopped immediately when she saw the blue eyes looking at her. "Abel?"


End file.
